May 1, 2024
I know it doesn’t much feel like it at the time, but anxiety and fear are actually your friends. They’re actually brilliant survival methods that keep you from moving out of your comfort zone, justifying why you can’t and shouldn’t put yourself in danger’s way.
Let's look at some real life cases starting with this excerpt of an article about stage fright and Adele's difficulties suffering with it, by The Guardian newspaper back in 2015. “I’m scared of audiences,” “I get shitty scared.” In Amsterdam, she was once so frightened that she escaped out of the fire exit. In Brussels, she projectile-vomited over somebody. She copes by telling jokes. “I chat a lot of fucking shit.” She also fortifies herself with her alter ego Sasha Carter, a combination of Beyoncé’s Sasha Fierce and June Carter. “My nerves don’t really settle until I’m off stage.” What really upsets her is the idea that someone who has shelled out money to see her might decide: “Oh I prefer the record.”https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2015/jun/26/the-10-best-stage-fright-sufferers
That’s pretty extreme; first of all having to stand up and perform in front of thousands, then her extreme fear that caused her to try to escape and to vomit. So what’s happening here? It looks a lot to me like fight of flight mechanism kicking in flooding the body with adrenaline and getting her out of a dangerous situation. A survival technique triggered by an assessment of the situation by her mind which, could have saved her life had the situation been different; had there been an actual threat to her life.
So her reaction was actually a positive one, inappropriate for the situation, but positive in a survival sense. Imagine, you’re Adele a famous singer in a stadium and you’re worried they won’t like you! These people have paid (between them) thousands of euros to watch her perform, they not only chose to be there, they travelled distances to be there, to hear her. They are some of her biggest fans! They weren’t the enemy, they weren’t out to criticise her, yet still she had that extreme response.
That’s a lot like you when you’re in a meeting which you’ve been invited to, surrounded by people who are working with you on he same project and you suddenly get fearful about speaking up. You start wondering if you’ll say something stupid, you start believing that your opinion won’t be wanted etc. You completely forget that they’re employing you for you skills, not just to be ‘nice’.
They invited you to the meeting, which means they value your opinion and want to hear from you.
So where did this fear come from, how can it be that a mature, competent and intelligent adult can suddenly be turned into trembling rabbit (Angsthase, or scary cat) caught in the headlights? Before answering that, let’s look at an example from the other side of the spectrum.
Cases where normal people have done remarkable things lifting extraordinary weights for example to save others. The BBC reported on a series of such cases and the possible explanations for it.
“In 2012, Lauren Kornacki, a 22-year-old woman in Glen Allen, Virginia, raised a BMW 525i off her father when the car toppled from a jack. Seven years earlier, a man named Tom Boyle hoisted a Chevy Camaro, freeing a trapped cyclist in Tucson, Arizona.” https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160501-how-its-possible-for-an-ordinary-person-to-lift-a-car The article the goes into different aspects of how and why this might have been possible, the main factors being again, fight or flight response, adrenaline release, and the power of the mind.
Are you seeing the similarities I see?
The body is naturally programmed to protect us and our loved ones, and when threatened goes into to survival mode. We’re all programmed to respond in a similar way, to survive. So, if we all have it in us to be able to display such great mental and physical power, why is it that with some of us it seems to work for us while in others it works agains us?
I don’t actually think there is one single answer to that question, but I would suggest it all comes down to our assessment of the situation and which part of us is triggered into action. So, here’s the dilemma. The mind processes the situation and decides if adrenaline should be released and which of the other reactions need to be triggered, in the direction of either strength or weakness.
Fight or flight.
We all have the ability to respond in either way. The key to having more influence about which you would like to trigger comes from your mind. That’s why understanding your fears, where they’re coming from and and why, then working on the part of you that is fearful is key in being able to choose your reaction.
As I see it you have the power within you to choose one of 3 options.
Option 1 assess the situation as a threat and run away from it.
This is means feeling sick and anxious, where possible escape somewhere quiet such as the toilets, turn down networking invites, don’t speak up in meetings, allow others to take credit for your work, feel shame.
Option 2 assess the situation as a threat and generate power to overcome it.
This means calling on what Adele refers to as her alter ego who can rise to the challenge and be the protective, extroverted powerhouse for the duration of the meeting or presentation.
Option 3 assess the situation as no threat and continue as normal
Assess the situation as no real threat and just be your normal self, secure in the knowledge of who you are at your core, sharing your knowledge with your team in the knowledge that they value and appreciate your input.
Which is it to be for you?
If you’re acting instinctively for option 1 and you’d like to have the power to choose option 2 or even option 3, I know ways of helping you do just that.
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