The nightmare came true!

“Wow, I didn’t realise your German was so bad! I thought you were joking when you said you didn’t speak German. How can your accent be so bad after living here for 24 years? Do all British people speak such bad German?...”

It’s the non-native introvert’s worst nightmare isn’t it, being language shamed in front of a group of people. This is what I experienced very recently and it took me completely by surprise, mainly because it came at a time and place where I really wasn’t expecting it. I’ve experienced ‘anti-foreigner’ behaviour before but never from a student in my own class.

I was teaching English in a company to a group of sales representatives and office staff. Although I don’t usually speak German while teaching English, I do occasionally offer single words in German to help with translation. The other incredible things were that it was a beginners group and the person who said this to me wasn’t German!

I made a joke about it being a good thing that I was there to teach them English and not German, but they didn’t stop with the comments. So, I spoke about the importance having the confidence to speak up regardless of accent, highlighting that speaking any language is about willingness to communicate rather than perfection and that this took effort on both sides.

I was fortunate in the fact that I held the higher position in the group and wasn’t intimidated by their words. A little shaken perhaps, but not intimidated. I have over 25 years experience teaching and felt grounded in my right to be there.

It got me thinking however about how to best handle situations such as these, and how to best deal with this in the unlikely event that this happens to you. Here are my 5 tips to staying cool and in control of the situation.

1. Stay calm and centred.

Having a way to ground yourself in an emergency situation can be really useful. We’re all different and what works for you might not work for me. So try different techniques for calming and grounding yourself until you find one that works for you. Look for a way to be conscious of the sensations you’re feeling as the adrenaline rises and your heart starts to pound, without it overwhelming you. This is something I help my clients develop in coaching sessions.

2. Don’t get drawn into the discussion

Rather than indulging them by answering their questions or trying to defend yourself non aggressively challenge their behaviour directly. Ask them what the purpose of their question is and why they feel the need to ask it. This can help them and others see what’s going on.

3. Redirect the conversation

Have a simple refocusing phrase such as “As I was saying…” or “To get back to the topic in hand”. Or if the incident has caused you to lose focus, you can say something like: “Now, where was I?” And look to the rest of those in the meeting for support.

4. Decompression time

Even hours after such an interaction the adrenaline can still be present in your body so be kind to yourself. Some form of physical activity ideally in a quiet environment can help put good use to the adrenaline in your system. But don’t be surprised if your energy levels crash some hours later. If you are an introvert, a quite evening in will probably be necessary.

5. Regroup

Remember that communication is a two way process and you as the non-native speaker should not be taking full responsibility for the success or failure of the conversation. If this occurred within a team with a member you need to work with again some form of intervention might be required to resolve the situation. This goes for any form of bullying.

If you’ve experienced something like this and it’s knocked your confidence speaking up in meetings don’t despair! 

I work with introverted non-native who suffer from social anxiety and stage fright and can also help you regain your confidence and start speaking up again in meetings.