March 21, 2024
I recently had the delightful experience of a blocked toilet, not the best thing to have to deal with when returning from holiday with jet lag, but these things rarely do choose the most convenient time to happen. Once the emergency plumber had finished unblocking the toilet I asked his advice on solving the additional problem of the sinking drains. His rather surprising advice was to demolish the house and build a new one!
When I asked if he had any other less extreme suggestions he explained that other options such as cleaning, and renewing the whole system were possible demolishing the house was the only sure fire way of eliminating the smell.
I had to laugh at his extreme advice, but it got me thinking about where we all do the same; where we opt for the ultimate ‘over the top’ solution that will instantly solve the problem forever because we’re not willing to take the time and effort to work out where exactly the problem is coming from and what to do about it.
How many people I wonder have threatened to, or actually left jobs, companies, countries and relationships because it was the most sure fire solution; the quickest and easiest way to end the pain and frustration of the situation they found themselves in?
How many of us are not following our dreams, not speaking up, not being brave and finding a way to overcome the problem we’re facing?
What leads us to choose fast ultimate solutions over longer lasting less extreme solutions?
I think one of the problems comes when we leave things too long before we act. Had we acted before the situation had become a problem the solution might have been easier to manage or implement. And we probably would have had more energy to deal with the situation. When we leave a situation too long before we start to work on it, gradually more and more energy gets attached to the situation, until even thinking about it triggers us.
Once we’ve reached this stage, there’s little chance of us being able to address what is now a problem rather than just a situation, because we’re carrying with us all the frustration that has gathered around it. All the effort we’ve put into not addressing the situation is now being released into problem solving process. This of course can be a positive driving force to do something about it, but depending on the situation it can also drive us too far, causing us to react too extremely for the the situation.
I’m sure if you try, you can remember a difficult discussion where you lost your temper with someone. Think back to that situation now, if you had had that discussion earlier, before you had become so upset about it, would you still have reacted the way you did? Or would you have been able to react differently?
The other problem in play here, is our natural attack and protect reflex. We feel attacked, so we act to protect ourselves instinctively without first weighing up alternative solutions. This happens when we get triggered and go straight into survival mode. It’s actually a great system because it keeps us safe. But its one flaw is that it doesn’t take into effect our ability to learn, develop and withstand more than we actually think we’re capable of sometimes.
Situations where this happens are things like saying no to opportunities to join networking events, present data, attend and speak up at meetings in English as a non native. In these cases, just the thought of saying ‘yes’ to whatever it is completely overwhelms us. So, we’ve said ‘no’ before we’ve allowed ourselves to get curious about what form ‘yes’ might take.
Going back to my stinking drains, there are some days that I’m really tempted to just demolish the whole house, but it’s over 100 years old, it has character and it would be a great shame for all of that to be gone just because of the drains. I’d much prefer my landlord invested some time and money into getting to know the old house and it’s ancient plumbing and give it the care and attention it needs.
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