The problem with confidence hacks

As an introvert and non-native English speaker working in an industry such as Pharma or Biotech, the challenges of communication aren’t just about language proficiency.  On a surface level it might seem like that’s what it’s about, and it’s certainly what many of my clients convince themselves is the problem. But scratch below the surface a little and what you’ll find is that your perfectionist tendencies and the introverted need for thorough processing before speaking is closer to the core of the problem.

This internal cycle of frustration, self-criticism, and regret is exhausting, especially when it reinforces your hesitation to speak up the next time. It’s a tough balance; staying silent leads to missed opportunities, but speaking up brings anxiety and self-doubt. It’s clear to see why language training appears to be the solution. Not only is it more readily available, it’s also a more acceptable lack to have and is certainly a lot less intimidating to address than core level inadequacies and fears. 

Focusing on fixing the language however, is keeping the real issue, the stress response and your deep identification with the problem conveniently hidden. Then there are the confidence hacks, powerful presentation tips and ways to ‘work the room’ while networking, all of which are brilliant, it’s just that you need to address the underlying anxiety first.

Traditional confidence hacks don’t work well when you're still freaking out on the inside. Let’s face it, tips for working the room are redundant when you can’t force yourself out of the house to attend the networking event in the first place. You can’t adopt the superman pose to generate confidence when your internal voice is telling you you’re a complete fake and don’t belong in the room.  It’s a bit like putting a plaster over a wound without cleaning out the splinter. The wound just festers and doesn’t heal. 

Just like cleaning wounds or removing foreign objects, looking for and removing the source of an anxiety can be uncomfortable if not painful at times. Being told to "just relax" or "not worry” isn’t helpful either. It just minimises your struggle and doesn't address the deeper fear. Then there’s the shame piece, which can feel like a huge insurmountable obstacle to ever getting help. It’s this shame that’s keeping so many of you stuck because admitting the issue feels just as uncomfortable as facing it.

All is not lost though. knowing you’re not alone and that your struggle is normal can be incredibly reassuring. And believe me you are certainly not alone, and I do see and feel the weight of your situation. Feeling seen and validated can help reduce the shame, making it easier to take steps forward. But you have to be honest and acknowledge it in yourself first before asking for help.

Having that awareness of the underlying issue as well as greater compassion with yourself contribute to a greater sense of psychological safety, making your insecurities much more manageable. Having a trusted ally, a calmer environment, and learning to let go of perfectionism all create safer conditions for you to start speaking up and contributing within your team.

With time and practice come greater confidence as your fears of criticism and embarrassment aren’t manifested as you had once feared. Step by step you reduce the mental battle and find yourself speaking more spontaneously, as well as not feeling as drained afterwards. Step by step, it’s about making participation feel natural instead of an ordeal.

If that’s a vision of progress that you’d like to experience in your life, dm me to talk about what working together would look like.