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The real reason you're not speaking up


June 12, 2024

You want to speak up in a meeting, but rather than just say whatever’s in your mind, you start formulating the question over and over in your mind and the more time you spend considering the best way to phrase it, the more difficult it is to actually get the words out, you’re overthinking the situation and quickly going into overwhelm.


As a non-native speaker, keeping up with the pace of meetings in English isn’t easy. You need a second to process what’s being said, another to turn it into your native language and process the thought and then another second to translate your response back into English before communicating with the group.


This puts you at a disadvantage when it comes to speaking up in meetings. But this isn’t the real reason that you aren’t speaking up and putting your point across. Because if you’re honest with yourself, there’s still time to comment before the meeting moves on, you could comment, if part of you wasn’t holding back, stopping you from commenting.


You know that part, the one that likes to formulate your thoughts in multiple ways to find the perfect way of putting it across so that it will be received it in the best possible way.


The part which is reading the moods and emotions of all the other people in the room, trying to keep the equilibrium, taking responsibility for other peoples ‘stuff’ and not wanting to further upset anyone. 


It can be hard to break into a conversation when you’re a non native speaker, but truth be known… even when someone asks if there are there any further questions, or your throat literally seizes up and you’re physically unable to speak.


Inside your mind, there are so many ideas, so many comments, so much interaction, but the pounding of your heart, the gripping sensation in your chest, the ringing in your ears, the tightness in your jaw, the construction in your throat not to mention your dry mouth, are all preventing you from speaking up.


Just the fact that I know all this about you, about your situation and how you feel shows you that you’re not alone in feeling this way. You’re not the only one to have experienced this, you’re not crazy.


Here’s what I also know about you, you’re a bit of an introvert and to be honest you don’t really like speaking up in meetings, making small talk or socialising in large groups of people in your native language. So, doing all of this in English is even more challenging.


There is a way you can help yourself get out of overwhelm and actually start speaking up without all this overthinking and stress. And funnily enough it doesn’t start with beating yourself up about how much of a failure you are and pathetic it is that you can’t seem to get the words out of your mouth, even when you’re asked directly… because you’ve been doing that and it’s only made it worse, right?


When I work with people like you, rather than ridicule that part of you which freezes up, we get to know it and understand why it acts like that. We identify what the triggers are and what’s behind them; then step by step we start making putting new behaviours in place, to help facilitate speaking up with out overthinking and going into panic.


What exactly that looks like will of course depend on you. It could be how you prepare yourself before the meeting, it could be a technique to calm yourself down during the meeting, it could start with finding ways outside of the meeting to get more comfortable conversing in English and prevent you from going into panic.


There are lots of ways forward, it’s just that the self ridicule method you’re using right now isn’t one of them. If you’re stuck and need help finding a way that works for you, a way that can help you speak up effortlessly in meetings as well as build on networking and presenting information in large meetings, I can help.

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