Some say it’s an emotion, a feeling, or a belief others say it’s more of a skill. Personally I’d say it encompasses all elements.
It‘s interesting isn’t it, how we can go from being full of confidence in one situation, to a gibbering wreck the next. I’m fascinated by how seemingly strong and capable adults can suddenly start shaking with anxiety at the thought of taking part in an event. It’s certainly happened to me before and in fact it happened again to me just recently.
So why does it happen and what can we do about it?
There are basically 3 approaches to dealing with a confidence crash.
Run from the situation. This is what the amygdala of our brain is advising and it’s actually well intentioned advice. The question is what are the consequences of running and avoiding?
Fight through the situation. This is the ‘no pain no gain’ ‘survival of the fittest’ methodology which works to a certain degree, and used by many. It’s certainly true that sometimes we just need to go out of our comfort zone and get something done. The question here is what is the risk to me in this situation, both in the short term and the long term?
Investigate and proceed with compassion. As a mature adult, a sudden confidence crash is likely based on sound knowledge or past experience. So it makes sense to pay attention to what’s happening on the inside. The question here is what to do with the information you gather about yourself.
The approach I most frequently use with both myself and my clients is option c). The reason being that ‘running’ often denies us from opportunities to grow and ‘fighting’ is stressful and dependent on the presence of a cocktail of hormones which mask our sensitivity to the situation. The result of which means we both miss key moments in the present and put ourselves at unnecessary risk both in the short and long term
So the questions you’re probably asking yourself are, firstly, how do I do this and secondly, can you do it for yourself without my help.
The techniques I use involve focussing on where I’m feeling the anxiety and then asking this part of me what it’s frightened of. It probably sounds a bit strange to those of you who don’t have any experience working in this way, but I believe we carry the answers to these questions in our subconscious and that by directing the questions to the region where we feel the anxiety helps us to understand what’s going on.
With that knowledge we can then decide that either, a)the information is accurate and running is a good option, b)the information is outdated or exaggerated and fighting through is necessary, or c)the information is both accurate, outdated and exaggerated and that some compassion and support is needed to overcome it.
In answer to the second question, can you learn to do it for yourself without me, yes… and no.
Yes, you can learn the techniques, you can read books, take courses, and practice on yourself as well as others just as I have. But, it will likely take you a couple of years at least, not to mention several thousands of euros. You’ll need to invest time into studies, you can’t just read a few books to get good at this, I’m talking 10 hours a week study time 6-7 live online training) along side your current job and family obligations. Even then… and here’s the ‘no’ part, you’ll need the support of your inner circle to sort out your problems. Because to dig deep at our own problems, fears, phobias etc and find solutions we need other to help point out where we’re blind siding ourselves. This is why I still get help from my colleagues when an old fear or insecurity raises its head. Most of the daily stuff I manage myself but the deep stuff, I also need help with.
So, if you’re currently using plan a) or plan b) as a coping strategy and would like to experience and alternative plan c) and you don’t have the time, money, enthusiasm or sheer will power to do it alone, get in contact.
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