Why is networking so intimidating for introverts?

A couple of months ago I did a poll on LinkedIn asking introverts which they found the most challenging, scientific/academic writing, presenting or networking. Unsurprisingly, networking came out top. So why is networking so intimidating for us introverts? And, what if anything can be done to make networking easier?

Clearly, for the introvert the written form is generally the preferred way of communicating ideas. Many introverts are also perfectionists and of course writing permits the reworking and perfecting of any text. This is especially advantageous for non-native English speakers, of whom there are many in STEM, particularly with increasingly impressive online translators such as deepL and LLMs such as chat GPT and Claude.

As introverts we spend a lot of time in our heads, assessing the world around us. The processing and internalising we naturally do is both one of our greatest strengths and greatest hinderances. When we’re able to focus on a specific topic in peace a quiet, it’s a super power but when unleashed in a crowded environment where there’s so much to process we quickly burn circuits, start feeling anxious and end up in overwhelm.

This is one reason why presenting and networking aren’t our forte. When we’re alone, there’s no need to process our thoughts out loud, so we’re not used to verbalising our thoughts or having other people question or interject. We also don’t relish being the centre of attention, in fact having many sets of eyes on us can make us feel dizzy and nauseous. Why exactly that is, probably differs from person to person but I suspect it has to do with the though of all those people judging us one way or another and not knowing what those judgements are, positive or negative.

So why is presenting less dreaded than networking?

While we’re presenting there are more eyes on us, but during a presentation we’re a lot more in control. We’ve been able to plan and practice what we’re going to say and we most likely have slides to accompany our presentation as well as notes in front of us. We’ve also been invited to speak, and although that can cause pressure through expectations, unless we’re presenting controversial topics most audiences are friendly.

Presenting also has a definite start and end, and doesn’t usually last for hours at a time. The most stressful part of a presentation for most introverts, apart from standing up or  walking on stage to present, is the question answer time at the end. Mainly because of the degree of uncertainty it holds. Unless, you plant friends/colleagues in the audience to ask specific questions you know how to answer to, there’s always going to be that perfectionist in you freaking out incase you’re asked something you can’t answer in a well articulated way.

What is it that makes networking so much worse?

When networking there are more factors outside of your control. It’s often a large and crowded environment, people are likely to invade your personal space, you need to process what many people are saying often at once, there’s likely a lot of background noise, you don’t have an invitation to speak, you don’t have notes to support you, you don’t know what we’re gong to be asked and… you could be asked about your private life as well as your work. In addition to this networking events such as exhibitions or conventions can go on for hours or days, meaning overwhelm, exhaustion and once it’s finally finished the infamous introvert hangover.

So is it inevitable for all introverts to fail dismally at networking? Of course not, it just takes careful planning. Here are just a few of the methods my clients have used to not only survive but also excel at networking… without depleting their batteries.

1. Check out the event location:

Preferably before the event if possible so that you know what to expect when you get there. Knowing where the noisy places are likely to be and more importantly where the quiet spots and escape exits are can be a game changer if you’re prone to sensory overload. If checking out the location isn’t possible, spend the first few minutes when you first arrive getting your bearings.

2.Make your whole day part of your preparation:

During the hours/days before the event start cataloguing instances about your day to use in small talk. As Salvatore J. Manzi suggests using these anecdotes you’re not only making small talk authentic, you’re also sharing things about yourself which could connect with your conversation partner. For me an example could be: “A lot of motorbikes on the streets today, perfect weather for a ride!” Tells people, I’m a bike enthusiast and invites further conversation even if they aren’t.

3. Hit the ground running:

Challenge yourself to speak to somebody as early as possible at the event, or even on the way to the event if you notice they’re also attendees. None of us want to fail or be rejected, so get that feeling of rejection over as early as possible rather than dreading it happening. The longer you wait before opening your mouth the more time you have to overthink the situation and the more difficult it becomes.

4. Have a goal:

Your first networking event doesn’t have to consist of hours of small talk and exchanging of business cards. Make your goal easily achievable and scalable. For example a first goal may just be to speak to 3 people, exchange details with 1 other person, or stay for a certain length of time. If you suffer from social anxiety and are just starting out with networking just attending an event can be a huge achievement.

5. Plan your escape:

Knowing how to leave a conversation politely is just as important as knowing how to join one. In a group a simple “Would you excise me a moment” before you turn and walk away usually works. If you are talking one on one a phrase such as “It’s been lovely talking to you, maybe I’ll see you later” is fine.

Simplicity is key here, the more you try and justify why you need to leave the more suspicious you’ll sound.

If you’ve found these suggestions helpful and you’d like to work further together, send me a dm and we’ll set up a call to discuss what working together would look like.